You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
