I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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