Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
