Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
