dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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