my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
