I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
