A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
