I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
