Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
