so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
