You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
