Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
