Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
