Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
