He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
