my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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