my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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