it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize