just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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