did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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