I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
