In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
