I'm going to jail i love you
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
