I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
