Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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