He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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