She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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