Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
