Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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