I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
