forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
