i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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