My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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