I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
