I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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