I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
