Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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