Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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