Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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