you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
