sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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