where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
