remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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