You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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