"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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