seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize