chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
