Already got asked if we're dating
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
