he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
