how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
