he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
