Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize