): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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