i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
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