I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
