One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
