Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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