He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
