I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
