I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
