no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I need to stop coming to work sober
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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