When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
